It has been weeks, maybe even months since I have felt any motivation whatsoever. Cooking, cleaning, looking nice... I havent really cared about any of it. My house seems to be constantly messy (very uncharacteristic for me, I like to think) and I rarely feel like I look attractive in the only clothes that fit me these days... And my meals... I tell you. They are so boring. Same old whatever every day. Nothing exciting and nothing I enjoyed making.
Today, for the first time in ages I got a slight breeze of motivation. I was so excited. I started tidying the hall table. It had become the place for EVERYTHING to be dumped. Every time I saw it I hated it but I did nothing to change it. I changed it today and I was ready to move on. I was so prepared to take on the whole house. Then Matthew woke up. He was happy enough at first but didnt want me out of his sight. Then even that wasnt good enough. I had to be sitting on the couch right near him in the living room or he would just start crying and crawling after me. He literaly pulls himself up using my pant legs and holds onto them crying until I pick him up. If I move, he falls and cries even harder. He wouldnt nap, he wouldnt play... he simply wanted me, yet didnt. Does that make sense?
So my house remains a disaster. I have a total of three hours in a day where I have time to myself to get anything done. Usually it is getting the necessities done (laundy, dishes, dinner and other meals) and nothing else. How do people do it? How do people stay on top of a home and cook and have happy kids???
Dont get me wrong, Matty is a very happy kid and usually very easy. For some reason, however, these days he just wont let me do anything. I know part of all this is being pregnant and exhausted but I dont know how much of it is that. Sometimes I feel lazy, we all have those days, but it really has been different in some way. Does motivation really disappear for months? It sure has with me.
Has anyone got any ideas for me? How to get anything done or how to find motivation? I'd really love some inspiration. Im praying it comes back on Monday and I get lots done... Oh I do so hope it returns. I have so many things to get done. Two baby blankets, a cross stitch, other crafts Id love to do and no time for any of it. Mysteries!?
Heres my little source of trouble. I love him to bits. Look at him! Isnt he a sweetheart? What will I do when I have TWO?
3 comments:
yes, he is a sweetheart! But maybe a teething sweetheart??? As far as time and motiviation go...you are walking a fine line between getting some rest when Matty is napping and getting the housework/cooking done....just do the best you can. I do remember once, having a big "putting away, de-cluttering etc" and then calling Molly Maid once I had it tidy enough for them to do a good cleaning....just a one time thing...but was worth the money, that's for sure!
I feel ya Kate! Hang in there and don't be too hard on yourself! You've got a lot going on and so many hormonal changes in the last several months with breast feeding and now pregnancy...I'm sure so much of what you are feeling is related to those things!:)
Katie, Have you read "Stepping Heavenward" by Elizabeth Prentiss? I think she shows the dynamics of sanctification in young women - so often by frustration - better than almost anyone...If you have read it, why not read it again. I think it would comfort you....Love, AuntieB
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