Just after Levi was born, I was actually feeling really great. Everything just seemed so much easier and better after his delivery than after Mattys. Now, however, everything seems harder.
Every day I have several crying fits. I just cant seem to stop the tears from flowing. I feel unable to take care of my children. I mean, they are still fed and doing well, I just mean, I have trouble facing the day. I dont want to wake up if I am so lucky to have fallen asleep. I just want to sleep my days away.
I am still not healed yet and that makes me feel nervous. I cant just go back to doing normal things because my body isnt normal. I long to always have my husband beside me just for comforts sake. I dont ever want to be alone with my boys because I feel overwhelmed.
Why is it? I mean I know I am not sleeping well and it is a big transition going from one to two but my attitude... I feel defeated even before the day begins. Its such a negative mindset which is so very unlike me.
I have begged God through my tears to perform a miracle on me. I know He can but so far the answer has been no. I just want the itch to go away. I want weird pains to stop. I want normality back. And I want it NOW! The slightest abnormality makes me want to rush to the doctors to make sure everything is ok. They probably wish I'd stop calling. Peace of mind for me is a big deal. If I can be reassured that everything is ok then somehow the ailment is not as bad.
Anyways, I feel like a wreck these days. I feel like my head is in the clouds and that I am so focused on myself because of my discomfort. I hate it. I am not in a good place. Please, utter many prayers for me. Pray that healing comes really quickly and life can go back to normal.
4 comments:
Katie, maybe a little after baby blues? Go see your dr., and take advantage of any and all help offered. Now is the time to take people up on any offers :)
Praying for you
Love
Niki
I love you so much and am praying you can grasp how much God loves you. This trial will end and you will be stronger for it.
Matty is sleeping soundly right now. He is curled up with his little frog. He has been a sweetheart for me.
Love, Jo
Kate,
Since I am only 6 months post partum...I can promise you, as far as I am concerned...the crying is normal. Your hormones are all over the place! I remember feeling like i was going crazy but thankfully it got better. I am sure you have just forgotten how it was with Matty. From what I've heard women are all very emotional after having a new born...plus, you aren't sleeping. It's such a bad combination! I will be praying for you...It must be so hard taking care of 2 babies! But I know you'll get through this.
Kate, Why do you think your mom and I both are so intent on not working outside the home if we can avoid it? We remember so well the stream of strange emotions - exhilaration to despondency to strength to psychotic bleakness - and loneliness, always loneliness...And we want to be there for you kids when you need us....Love, AuntyB
Post a Comment