Frumpzilla

Here is a description of me since... well a very long time.

Im the lady who:
*is excited about jogging pants
*showers every other day but usually only sometime on the third day since I cant seem to find time
* has gained all her breastfeeding weight loss back and then some
*fears the scale
*has long hair and throws is back in a messy lump somwhere on her head EVERYDAY
*rarely wears makeup because whats the point?
*has two pairs of summer capris that fit and they happen to be excersize pants (terribly unflattering)
* has few t-shirts that actually fit and look any good
* is sneezing to death - I swear it will kill me. I think I might sneeze away all my brian cells and then forget how to feed and take care of myself - oh wait, Im already there.
* has huge black bags under her eyes no matter how much sleep I get.

I have become, as I titled above, a frumpzilla. I have let myself fall apart. Its the downward spiral that I always thought I would be able to pull myself out of. I feel icky so I eat badly and I eat badly because I feel wretched and fixing the diet wont help unless my body feels better so I have to excersize but I am so tired that getting out of bed is a trial and a half. I cant work out any other time of the day because there is always a little one needing me or sleeping and since the wall for the shower shares a wall with the sleeping child I cant shower when asleep or trust said child when awake... delema.

I finally gave up feeling sorry for myself, however. I have decided to start turning a new leaf ( I say start turning it because I know it will take time and LOTS of effort). I have set my phone alarm to 6 am every morning so that I can wake up, do my work out, devotions and shower all before the boys wake up. This is tricky. The first day I woke up, Levi woke up at the same time so I fed him, he promptly projectiled everything back at me ( I was soaked) I put him back to bed and was so frustrated that I was about to go back to sleep. Dave, however, told me to get out and excersize (way more gently than that though) and so I did.

My delema is that when I wake up the boys normally wake up and that means they will need to eat and need new diapers and some attention. I am the one who tends to do that for them (with Levi I am the only one who can do that at the moment- the feeding part) and so I feel a little stressed that they might wake up and what if... So I told Dave my plan and he said he was on board. I will wake up in good time, excersize, shower and get ready for the day and he will be on duty. So, I have one hour. From 6 until 7 Dave will be on kid duty. If Levi wakes up he will prepare him a bottle of formula. If Matty wakes up, he will get him breakfast and keep him away from Mommy while she is sweaty and busy. If they sleep, Daddy sleeps too. Then, by 7 I should be ready for the day and even have my makeup somewhat done and Daddy is free to go to work.

I am excited. It isnt the excitement the makes getting out of bed any easier but knowing that I am working at pulling myself out of the black hole of self pity and away from the road of obeasity will eventually just be my lifestyle. Waking up by an alarm instead of one of my sons wont have to be a depressing sound but rather one of excitement (my alone time). I no longer have the excuse of not being able to find time to make myself a better person. I have an hour every morning which is plenty. And with these physical improvements comes the mental ones and that is the part in which I find the most joy and excitement.

So everyone, hold me accountable. Give me an ear full if in a week/month/half a year I am whining and telling you all I just dont have time to be human. If I am disciplined, there is time.