Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Forgive Me

Setting: Im outside the back of a brick building that houses several tenants in a very beautiful neighbourhood. It is a sunny, spring day and I have Matty in my arms. I stand knocking on my grandmothers door.

Grandma: Hello?
She answers uncertain of who it is that is standing in front of her.

Me: Hi Grandma!

Grandma: Oh, I didnt recognize you. Come in.
Her face has a giant smile on it but it is still clear that she can't place my name or even my face...all she knows is that she is my grandma.

Me: This is Matthew.

Grandma: How old is he?

Me: He's six months.
I'm ashamed that this is their first introduction and he is already so old. How come I waited so long?

Grandma: Only? He looks so big.

Me: He's tall, like his dad.

Grandma: Is he my...?
She makes a gesture of a little child and points to herself. She wants to know if my husband is her son.

Me: No, your son is my father. Donny is your son and I am his daughter.

Grandma: Oh yes... what day is it today?

Me: Its Tuesday today.

Grandma: Oh, it always feels like Saturday since I am home.

Me: I know, I feel that way too.

Grandma: Can I get him a cookie?

Me: Oh, no. He can't eat them yet.

Grandma: How old is he?

Me: He is six months.

Grandma: wow, he's big. Can he have a cookie?

Me: I dont think he can eat them yet.

Grandma: of course. What day is it today?

Me: Its Tuesday today.

Grandma: oh, It feels like Saturday.
She stands up and heads to the kitchen. She grabs a cookie and before I can stop her she hands it to Matty. He puts it in his mouth right away. I watch very carefully. It crumbles, he breaks it in his mouth, I have to pull it out of his mouth as he gags on the piece that started to go down.

Me: Do you still go out walking around here?

Grandma: No. It's too cold.
She opens the freezer door.
Do you have butter at home? I have six pounds here. I forgot.

Me: I would love some butter.

Grandma: Can he have a cookie? Here's a cookie.
I repeat the entire process of watching, grabbing and hiding the cookie. Eventually I say my goodbyes. She gives Matty another cookie and hands me the whole package. She tells me to give him some on the way home. I leave and tell her I will be back next week.

End Scene.
This is a summary of my visit. Many of the things here were repeated more and more and I continued to reply as though she hadn't yet asked it.

I haven't visited in over a year. I live a 15 minute walk away. I am home all day. She had never met this great grandchild and he had never met her. Why? Am I afraid of confusing her? Am I just not willing to go through the trouble? Am I scared? I think I am all of these and more.

" Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need. But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion in to practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandpparents, for this is pleasing to God...If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his emmidiate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." 1 Tim 5:3-8

I read this passage a long time back. It made me mourn my behaviour to my grandmother. I didnt act upon it, however. I made excuses. "She won't remember me." "I'll just cause her more confusion."

Today I visited. She doesnt really know who I am but she was so happy. A part of her day was filled with company and it chased away the loneliness she feels most of the time. I regret that I took so long. She is confused, she repeats everything multiple times, she needs patience, love and companionship.

How beautiful is this moment right here? Such joy and love.

Forgive me, Father. I haven't cared for my family.

Friday, March 13, 2009

How I Stay Motivated

I dont know about you, but when it comes to getting things done around my house, or with my own self, I tend to be lazy at times and really find it hard to get motivated to work. This really hit me when I stood on the scale at my sisters house and saw the number... 10 pounds higher than I thought I was and that number was already too high. I came home and Decided it was finally time to do something about it.

Immediately, I got out a notebook and wrote how I was feeling and why I was writing. Then, I decided to use this journal everyday to record what I do (in point form) and my goals for the next day. I decided I would avoid eating any sugar that isnt natural (ex. fruit) and would start running.

I have to say, this is the best idea I have ever had, at least for me. Im sure this isnt even a new idea but it is new to me. I will record my weight every two weeks so as not to get too discouraged when I see no change and it ensures I do my bible reading and cleaning.

Some days are easier than others but all in all I am happy with how I am doing. Try it out if you are struggling with motivation. Its almost as thought you are competeing against yourself.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Six Months Old

Wow! We have reacehed the half way mark already. Actually, we have already gone over it. CRAZY! It goes so fast.

Matty still hasn't got any teeth but we can see them coming closer and closer. Grammie (my mom) even pointed out where she thought they were coming through. They are SO CLOSE! He is currently chewing on one of his shoes and puts everything in his mouth.

He is sitting up now. He still falls over but mostly because he is leaning way to far forward or to the side and just can't stay up any longer. He actually even almost crawls. He gets on his tummy, uses his legs to push him forward but his arms get in the way. He has to learn to get up on his hands and use them as well. He usually ends up planting his face on the floor and trying to push himself forward. Very funny!

He still hates food. He is stubborn like his mom and dad. Sometimes I succeed in getting one mouth full in before he refuses to open his mouth. He looks at me, closes his mouth tight and turns his head away from me. Very obvious decision to say no to food and to mommy. I think I might have to move to more drastic measures and not feed him until he is so hungry he will eat from a bottle or some cereal. Is that ok do you think?

He loves to talk. Mostly his noises are "guh", "Duh", "Wuh" and others that range in that area.

His favourite toys are Sophie, his plastic book, his knot toy from Tante Melissa and Uncle Chris and his toothbrush. They all go very nicely in his mouth.
Here he is with his plastic book and his great Oma.

Here he is with Great Opa and his plastic book.

Here he is with some of his pals. Heidi and Henry

And here he is being goofy in his beaver outfit from Aunty Jo and Aunty Karin.

Matthew still rolls over well from his stomach to his back but lacks the practice from his back to his stomach. We still have trouble with nap time and him fliping over. I tried putting him down on his back today but he is still crying... not sure if it is going to work out.

We believe he is 19 pounds but will find out exactly how much tomorrow at his six month appointment. He is a big boy and he is growing up so fast. sniff sniff.