Tonight was Dave's and my very last pre-natal class. It brings to a close that stage of our journey. However, tonight was a challenge for me. Not the class exactly. More the fact that there were two lucky couples who weren't there because they gave birth to their babies early. One of them gave birth to a baby girl at 36 1/2 weeks and the other was a real premie little boy and was born at just over three pounds. I know that it is a good thing to have your baby when the time is right and the baby is big and strong but I found myself jealous all evening. I turned to Dave after we got home and said," I want Matthew to come." Dave was quick to tell me to stop complaining.
He often remembers what I forget. God is in control. His timing is the perfect timing. Dave is very excited to meet our little boy and wants him to come out as much as I do (although he isn't doing the carrying or feeling the heat the same way as I do) but he was right to tell me to stop complaining. Patience is one of the fruit of the spirit and so often I forget that it's not so much us learning to practice the fruit of the spirit as much as it is knowing that it is God who is in control of these situations. We need to have the faith to give us the patience or the joy or love... They all must come with faith that HE is the ruler of all situations and we need to give up the attempts to control the situations.
I feel ashamed as I think about how, just several months ago I was discontent because I wanted to be pregnant. I wanted to have a baby and start a family. The Lord answered my prayers and gave me the desire of my heart. And here I am complaining again that it isn't going fast enough? What sin!
Scripture has passage after passage commanding that we be patient and although many of them are speaking of our life as followers of Christ, I believe it also speaks of the overall need for us to control our minds by giving it all over to HIM to control and letting things happen at the perfect time.
So, I sit here with a very round belly, a sore back, swollen hands and feet and full of fatigue desiring my little bundle of joy a safe and hasty arrival to our family. That desire in itself is not sinful. But my lack of patience and faith that God knows best is. My little Matthew will be here in no time and it will be on the perfect birth date that God has chosen for my little one. That idea brings a smile to my face. His birthday will be when God has said, "Matthew, it's time."
The Lord is faithful to all his promises
and loving toward all he has made.
The Lord upholds all those who fall
and lifts up all who are bowed down.
The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food at the proper time.
You open your hand
and satisfy the desires of every living thing."
Psalm 145:13-16
and loving toward all he has made.
The Lord upholds all those who fall
and lifts up all who are bowed down.
The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food at the proper time.
You open your hand
and satisfy the desires of every living thing."
Psalm 145:13-16
2 comments:
Hang in there Kate!!! Praying for you! !!!!
Kate,
I know how it feels. In a sense, it feels like a punishment. Like we're donkeys, being propelled forward by a carrot at the end of a stick, just out of reach. But of course, that's only our perception, and not the reality of it at all.
We are meant to carry our babies for 40 weeks. God made it just so. Lungs fully developed. A nice layer of fat on the bones. Healthier and hardier. If you think about it, our insistence that baby comes early is like saying, "I want you now for MY sake, even if you'll be more vulnerable." Sobering.
For the record, I've been rooting for a slightly early arrival too. But it's probably best that Matty bake a wee bit longer.
Love you both,
Jo
Post a Comment