Pain, Sleeplessness and Fear

I was talking with my mom and she mentioned something to me that is so true. I can now say that I will have a baby in the next month. He may be sooner but he WON'T be later.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, waiting for this baby is pretty hard. Unfortunately, the past few days have been even harder than before. This time it isn't simply being tired of carrying him. It's that I have now got an ailment that is causing me so much pain and discomfort that sometimes I even forget I'm carrying a baby. All I can think about is how I hurt. I have to think about how to lie down or how to sit. Do I stand, sit, walk or lie down? I wake up several times at night. This time it isn't to use the washroom, which it use to be. Now its because of the pain I feel.

This new part of my pregnancy has actually made me feel like I don't want to give birth. Maybe this is a gift from God in a way. I am not thinking, "oh, I want this baby to come right now." I'm thinking, "Oh, I hope this baby doesn't come until this issue is taken care of." Perhaps this baby will come sooner than I realize with my mind so focused on this problem of mine.

I've also begun to feel a bit fearful of the whole birth process. Actually, I am more worried about the post birth ailments. I will have a helpless little baby who needs me and I will likely be in this much pain or more. I suppose having the baby there can be a wonderful distraction but at the current moment, I remain fearful.

Praise the Lord that HE is bigger than anything. HE controls all things and knows what is best for us. My focus must rest here first and foremost.